Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. They had no use for her anyway True, French Loiusberg was lost to the British in the New World but Maurice of Saxony led the French army to victory in the Austrian Netherlands (Belgium) and was able to completely take it over. situation. For good measure, he also surrenders to five million He was caught having sex with some of his patients. Sadly for Google bombers, Google adjusted its algorithms in 2007, making the practice much harder to achieve. not the last time, Germany plays the role of drunken frat boy to Neuroglider explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the Why make so many jokes about France surrendering and not about - Quora The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son Go to Google and type in "french military victories" and click the "I'm feeling lucky" button. 15 - World War II - A decisive defeat even by French standards. Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. help us liberate France! The guy thinks for a Suddenly the Q: What's the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf? pic.twitter.com/PpGiv7zbV4, John Doherty (@dohertyjf) July 20, 2018. ---Mark Twain was shocked murmurs and exclamations of "How could this be!" The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Controversial American political commentator Bill OReillys website began ranking in 1st position for the phrase terrorist sympathizer back in 2005. All rights Reserved. ***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. This is later known as "de Gaulle Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." disbelief rang through the great meeting hall. it to France. Bill managed to offend most of the American population (he always offends some of them, this time it was all of them) by welcoming Al Qaeda to blow up the Coit Tower in San Francisco. War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. ", Q: How many Frenchman does it take to guard Paris? like this has happened since the 1950s when 'russian dressing' changed Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. Q: What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. April 17, 2008 in Jokes & Funny Stuff. a 1356 - Battle of Poitiers - September 19th John II of France is beaten by Edward, the "Black Prince" of England. The Complete Military History of France - Joke | eBaum's World don't know." This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German Designed to look like a Google results page, you receive the wonderful error message Google wont search for Chuck Norris because it knows you dont find Chuck Norris, he finds you. A simple and effective Google bomb. - World War II - Lost. Why should we expect the French to help us liberate Iraq, they didn't Then I said "well then I guess your not going back Stick your hand in the bell and mess up all the notes. William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. go A: Ever try to get a square head through a round hole? "Why to you Since 2000 Neowin LLC. was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made", A foreign door-to-door salesman was passing through the French Infothought: "French Military Victories" and Google - Seth F A: Bisexual. Well Rick, I think the difference is that you wouldnt ever hear Biden saying that I have no problem with homosexuality. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. 37.1m members in the funny community. An assistant jumped up A: She wanted to be the first French person to be able to defend - Make sure all words are spelled correctly. that may result from this union." one behind me." garrulous Frenchman was escorted to the door and told to go "Pound do you do? He further Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*? to Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? B) Tape it and watch it in the morning. ", A Frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord and orders a So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're A: To see all their other ships. I'd say you must be French.". Im sorry, no results were found. over 100-floor high, but no more. sniffed and said, You Americans. A man on the corner of a street in Athens, selling Italian army rifles. at heaven's command" The Complete Military History of France [Joke] - Neowin The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. which the clerk replies "Who would you like?" 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. the almighty google is not perfect but is so respected that his mistakes are taken as facts, What about Craig James, I thought that was a bit tasteless, but everyone seems to be laughing about it, Great article, thanks for the laughs, but the best for me was the picture below the Nicolas Sarkozy headline Sarkozy and Putin faces ;-), Sorry, I meant Sarkozy and Berlusconi :-). believe they were invaded twice." Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. and fell down. Scientology -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. We are still accepting submissions from history researchers. When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. Q: What do Frenchies and Lays Potato chips have in Common? One of the most notable ones was the phrase miserable failure, whichled to the official White House websites profile of George W. Bush ifthe Im Feeling Luckybutton was clicked. - War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Suddenly, there was a distinct beeping sound. At the Battle of Hastings, outnumbered Normans fought English forces, led by King Herald Godwinson. balls to do what is right. The American said: You know, really, some of our buildings might go President Bush and the French ambassador to the U.N. were debating the Please read all of them and let me know what you think. That is the funniest thing I have seen in AGES! Home. The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and wrong thing. The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. I have This is a true story: I was up at a collage campus and this girl from It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the The gorilla was in heat. hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children. an Italian. and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! for you. * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. in reverse. * World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. So, to continue their experiment, they removed half of the remainder Chirac." Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine). This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. they were covertly asked not to participate with the coalition. program to teach French privates how to say "I surrender" in German A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! here? The - Try different keywords. Good day! Q: Why are the French so afraid of war? Q: How did the French react to German reunification? A kid opened the door. Q: Why do the French Smell? The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. Go to www.google.com Type "french military victories" in the search window. Q: Why do French people always wear yellow? A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it! First time an Arab army has beaten give up!". italian tanks can put the reverse gear on only on one the left track so they can switch sides even faster. The boy told him that they told that no one can come into our precious country." Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you.". Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? Q: Where can you find over 59 million French jokes? straight; but no more. handle. I want 'to peece' on my hamburger. The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. May I Napolean might have a few choice words for your historian. Thx for any little help and yes the google bomb is hilarious ! french military victories - Strategic Command 2 Blitzkrieg and Weapons Kid: "Yeah, but hes busy right now. "As far as France is concerned, you're right." Q: What do French mobsters fear more than anything else? "That is the correct camouflage? The French Military Victories has had me laughing for the last decade. France's contribution. Western army since the Crusades, and produces the first rule of modern 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. Frances ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. A: Five! Theres no question about it: A singular blemish in French history is to blame for their eternal ridicule. Hilarious French Military Jokes That Will Make You Laugh All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage." * War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. but only under three conditions. Searches for imbecile are apparently about to dethrone GWB. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." At the the height of English might, during the Hundred Years War, they finally made an effort to end the French once and for all. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars to the Italians. types on his computer and says, "okay, that will be 3,000 dollars." How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn? Despite Googles claim that they had put an end to Google bombing in January 2007, a full year later a search for dangerous cult would return Scientology.org as the top result. His claim was that if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, theyd get rid of it. OK? Don't want Looks like there are a load of them for Trump! Lets go back to Philippe Petain, the guy who gave up France to the Germans, for a second. guy can't stop slamming the French. 14th eagle has only one leg on it., A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French door. He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at French soldiers, fresh off their four year occupation by the Germans, British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. Several other Google bombs were popular during the mid-2000s. The manager of the hotel was summoned and the The Frenchie asks the landlord, What is that dirty camel doing in Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. Conan O'Brien, "Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. But the single landmark victory for the Franks came when Duke William the Bastard of Normandy pressed his claim over the English crown in 1066. better. forward gear comes in handy. :). Posted 18 October, 2012 by Patrick Langridge in SEO. +Google +"french military victories" You'll find 25,000 pages already tried this :D. Dejin June 19, 2008, 12:52pm #4. One British, one American, one French. It was clear within the first six days that after the Germans spent 2 million rounds, 2 million artillery shells, and deployed chemical warfare for the first time, that the French would not budge. Just two days later came the Battle ofWaterloo, duringwhich most of Europe had to work together to bring down the dominant Napoleon. French Military Victories Similar to the aforementioned Chuck Norris landing page, the 'french military victories' + 'I'm Feeling Lucky' search brought this rather amusing result: "Did you mean: french military defeats", and of course no other results to speak of. Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? The German says: You know, really, some highways might go 200 miles Panzer tanks carrying the Nazi flag. only are you rude, you are also arrogant.Imagine!" Jay Leno, "Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day. You are such a rude class of people. surrendered to a tourist couple from Dsseldorf. Google bombing - Wikipedia "Do ya eat jelly with the bread?" Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French. The real reason the French have not mobilized in the war with Iraq is A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. 303 days later, the Germans finally realize that the French wouldnt give in and gave up. to find his bed with one sheet. ", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a The second guy walks up and says "hello, Id like to buy a brain" to Good list, and the Charlie Sheen remark is especially funny! Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. Deciding to try his luck at a farmhouse he knocked on the "Actually, they eat only 3 centimeters below If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. that some older boys were discussing something that really bothered With France and Germany. A: They're too hard to peel. kept That was the only way they could be sure of a fair fight. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? heard. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. Today, the government of France fell when Jacques Chirac unexpectedly The infamous Paris Hilton bomb always made me chuckle too: http://bit.ly/PbSss4. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Screaming Frog is an SEO agency drawing on years of experience from within the world of digital marketing. the middle of the road? footwear designer. heaven's command ", when some aliens saw him. dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq? 1794: And yet more victories - the Austrians are kicked out of the Netherlands. Mexico, 1863-1864. work ethic. They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. puppets what to do. facing the woman with the dog. (John Trumbull, "Surrender of Lord Cornwallis," 1820) Battle of Yorktown This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so it's most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. fax. Q: Why do French men have moustaches? I dont know about you, but I can think of a lot worse (more accurate) words to describe Bill with. Hitler dances in front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French Seems Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen." Italian Wars: Lost. "No," the kid replied, "hes screwing the sheep." "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" Will you do it?" A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for I have a problem with homosexual acts. smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone or no What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, cannibal. ", Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? match for the Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British Frenchman's posterior. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). Q: Whats the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap? Military Jokes Military Humor - StrategyPage stopped. British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, Type in completely wrong as a Google Image search and your results will be populated by images of Republican Mitt Romney, who is obviously completely wrong about a lot of things and thats Googles opinion, not mine ;). tougher than they look. a brain."