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You have no idea when (if ever) the pain will stop. When he broke up with me, he told me he couldn't be in a relationship right now and that he needed to be alone to figure his head out. I am so stuck on thinking who he was just a short time ago and how he felt so lucky to have me to just withdrawing and wanting to be alone, completely. Your blog & articles truly helps me find my way during these tough times. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. I wanna stay friends but I love him so much Would that be healthy? Continue with Recommended Cookies, The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. It might be difficult to put yourself in your exs shoes, but think about it this way. I am sure he will further regain the trust and love he had for you. He said he has thought about about it a lot and he hasnt been truly happy for a while and doesnt feel the same as he used to. Neurotransmitters like dopamine, GABA and Cytokine are considered responsible for anhedonia. You just know that relationship issues are making things worse and that you want to feel understood rather than ignored and annoyed. We spent everyday focusing on our studies, our work, while building our love, our relashionship, looking forward to that future together where we would finally be able to be together. I sent it before I read this article anyways. Always remember that people who care about you will stay in your life and come to your aid. Or when he really starts to realize how much he misses me and starts feeling better? There are a lot of stories here about the break up because of the depression (thank you so much to everyone for sharing) but does anyone have a bit more perspective on how these situations actually evolve? He is going to therapy. If you are on the verge of breaking up or getting a divorce with your partner, the first thing you need to do is to understand the critical consequences of depression not only on the relationship but also on both of your mental health. In my case my ex associated me with negative memories relating to issues with his son. Affairs arent the only problems, she says. And if you want to discuss your breakup with us in private and want a faster, more detailed response, check out our coaching options. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. During this time we barely fought and were super compatible--we were always joking around and having fun. After I got these thoughts out of my chest I knew I had to move on.I know I am doing all the right thing now I have exercised regularly; I have decided to get out of my bubble to get a job again to be involved with people/society; I have decided to refresh my wardrobe and look to feel good again about myself. PsychReel do not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Depression sometimes puts additional weight on a relationship and makes the couple struggle to stay emotionally connected. I know, for a fact, he suffers from a depression. You feel like your assistance was for nothing and that youre not good enough for him. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Im feeling sad but better as days goes on. Recently, his mother called him up and was very upset that his dad wanted to finalize the divorce with his mother and ever since then he has been distant and all. I learned a lot of depressed men dont because they dont ever really learn how to open up about their feelings. He says he doesn't want to cut off contact and I know he would be really sad if we did that. If you try to show him you care about him, hell feel disrespected like any other dumper and want even more space and distance. He could never out me first, no matter how much I gave I got nothing in return. Its hard to see that right now, but give it some time and youll see. I think it might give you some good insight into what's going on with your boyfriend. They can also feel empty, and lose pleasure in activities they used to love.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-box-4','ezslot_4',126,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-box-4-0'); A person can get depressed for many reasons. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. I did drop a letter off at his home when wasnt there. Thing's just recently started going downhill, causing him to quit his job and to be admitted to the hospital. Depression often causes breakups, especially if it goes untreated. Tell him how his behaviors are affecting the relationship and most importantly ruining your mental condition. Hi there. He told me to focus on myself too and work on myself and whenever Im sad to use that as motivation. You need to look at signs of depression in order to know whether hes depressed or not. She was always tired, feeling irritated, and i occupied a smaller and smaller space in her mind amongst all her problems and stressful and depressive thoughts, even though i tried my best to make her better and happier, but she felt more distant everyday, being colder and colder. He did speak with a counsellor and the counsellor suggested he get out of any relationships he is sabotaging. She told me it hurts her that she feels that way towards me. He decided that the best way to deal with smothering emotions was to get space from them and not deal with them at all. Ever since that day we moved on to being in couple, every single day, every single moments were the happiest and the best of my life, of our life. Surround yourself with loved ones. But if at any time it seems like coping with this is being too hard for you, dont hesitate to look for help. Its what he needs to stop feeling the negative emotions he broke up with you for. But he he couldnt read it yet because of how much hes hurting. Whatever he does or doesnt do, dont take it personally and try to avoid finding out what hes doing. You should know: The answer above provides general health information that is not intended to replace medical advice or treatment recommendations from a qualified healthcare professional. MBTI, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and Myers-Briggs are trademarks or registered trademarks of the Myers and Briggs Foundation, Inc., in the United States and other countries.Personality Articles Disclaimer: The articles listed under the Personality Category contain information from external sources whose accuracy and reliability is not guaranteed. He adores his granddaughter. If you want to get back to him even though he is depressed you can try to change things up. He also said he doesnt want to be friends or see me frequently because thatll just make moving on harder for him. I obviously hope that we get back together after what she said, and looking back to what we had these past 3.5 years, she is truly a great person, we brought so much happinness to each other and loved each other from the bottom of our heart, we both really were looking forward to a future together. To express my support and I got a message to not go to his house. He also said that the breakup was something he had not thought about earlier, but since a few days only. If your ex-boyfriend has a history of depression or his family members have suffered from depression before, you must consider his depression a serious matter. Despite this understanding I still could not help feeling he was being selfish for not talking things through first. Ask him what exactly he feels about his situation. I really feel like talking to someone who is in the same shoes to feel better although I dont know if that would make both feel better. You need to. Show him the correct path towards recovery. How did things evolve for you? I know from reading the articles that his decision to leave wasnt just impulsive and despite his reasons for leaving being that he doesnt love me anymore or see a future I believe its down to depression. Work on losing hope and let him message you if he wants to. We're both in our early/mid-30s and were together for three-and-a-half years. Healthy dumpers tend to make excuses, blame their ex, or just explain why things happened the way they did. Second, what the relationship has been for you, what it meant for you is not necessarily what it meant for him. Hes happy when everythings fine and unhappy or miserable when he cant get what he wants from you. I would like to connect and talk about it maybe we could help each other, Im going through it right now. He told them "if it's not me, it's nobody else!" and sexually assaulted her with a pellet gun, records show . My boyfriend broke up with me a couple weeks agohe suffers from depression and anxiety. Feelings of self-doubt and depression go hand in hand. Its not you, its me is an excuse dumpers use to prevent dumpees from blaming them for the breakup and making things difficult for them. Those suffering from high-functioning depression are often their own worst critics, and its difficult to turn that criticism off. In these situations, a talk therapist can be great. The very thing that gives you pleasure today will give you pain tomorrow, or it will leave you, so its absence will give you pain.. Youre probably not doing much/anything wrong, but staying in his life forces him to focus on you rather than himself. he has a history of depression and grew up without a mother; he has 2 kids from a previous marriage in another country very difficult situation but the love we felt for each other was intense. Understand how each of you is responsible for caring for others, but at the same time, the other person is not responsible for fulfilling your every need.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_13',119,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); If, at any time, you see it is needed, find couples counseling, this will help you both deal with the challenges that may come. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Do you think its the depression and anxiety talking as to why he broke up with me? You have to make sure your husband/boyfriend is motivated to engage in day to day activities as well as recreations such as hobbies, games etc. Theyll be there for you whether you ask them to or not. Imagine that your shoulder is hurting like crazy and that your boyfriend is trying to help you. Hope you are keeping well! A dog or a cat will likely provide you with more comfort and security than someone who finds it excruciatingly painful to help his or her partner get through a difficult time. Thanks for your question. It is the most confusing experience Ive ever had in my life. I love him too much to watch him move on with someone else, that want him to be happy but I cant watch it. As a result, he concludes that hes better off on his own and that he needs to run away from people to focus on himself. He could just be dealing with stress and doesnt know how to handle his stress. Then the next day he messaged me saying he thinks he needs to go back to counselling and didnt know what was wrong. 4) How do I move on from a relationship that was truly amazing & just broke off due to circumstances? Thank you Zan it helped me to see why he did not try to have a talk to get through issues first. When family abandons you: what to do next? then said "I Love you" for the first time. And he said "yes..i know it's confusing". My boyfriend and fiance of 5 1/2 years dumped me last night. Boyfriend mention to me he didnt want to go to see his granddaughter because he didnt have the energy. She decided to break up because she doesnt want to keep being with me while she cant love me to the fullest, and hoping she wont keep feeling this way and wont hurt me while going through everything else that is going on in her stressful daily life. Fear of getting hurt: Sometimes, depression is so difficult to deal with anything else feels too scary. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Follow Posted 4 years ago, 5 users are following. My boyfriend is suffering from depression and he has been in a really bad mood lately saying how nobody cares about him and how life is pointless and meaningless and things like that and he just broke up with me a couple of hours ago. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and, unfortunately, you aren't alone (or maybe that will make you feel better). If he doesnt get well and improve his perception of you, youll move on and find happiness without him. Other brain areas involved are the striatum ( responsible for reward system) and the insula (consciousness and self-awareness). Shes going through a really really hard time and that affected how she felt about a lot of things in her life. You didnt agree to this. Thank you for sharing your story. Surely, they wouldnt want someone to do the same to them when theyre struggling. Hey, thank you for everything you have written, reading your messages makes me realise that I am not alone in this and there are other people living the exact same thing ! He told me the other day he started to feel bad again recently and he needs to take a break and that he didnt want to do this because he knew how much it would hurt me and it made him so upset. I am so torn right nowalthough we have only been together for a short time (four months), what we had was real. What is important, when being in a relationship with someone that is struggling with mental illness is to be aware if they are looking for treatment, or are sticking to the one they are in. She was alone in a city, with no family, no friends, no roomates, with no boyfriend close to her due to covid. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. Tharu. He denies hes depressed but I guess a lot of men do. I want him to be happy and to heal. So treat his depressed state as any other breakup and take the usual post-breakup actions. The phase is so dark that he would end up accepting the fact that he has never loved you ever. Ive been there for him this whole time but he never once got help. Your ex is depressed and is taking the counselors advice seriously. Eventually, as the intensity of repressed emotions increases, a depressed person starts pushing people awayeven those close to him. If your boyfriend broke up with you because of depression that he's had for months or longer, this can be considered long-term and means that he slowly changed his opinion of you and lost the energy and will to fight. Making someone happy is a difficult skill 3 More answers below Anonymous 7 y Hi everyone, I am in my early 20s and my boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me because he's depressed. Be your partner mentally healthy or not. I told him I will wait for him while he works things out. He just knew he couldnt bear it. I know you want to help your boyfriend and get back together with him, but as long as hes depressed, hes set on leaving. Tracy Otto, 27, was on a second date with new beau Ricky Riessle when her ex Francpiero Del Medico, 33, broke in and found them asleep in bed, deputies said. And guilt wont help him feel closer to you. She would be stuck in her bed sleeping all day long, waking up to study, work, eat, then sleep. Hell message you if he changes his mind. Manage Settings How did things evolve for you both ? Tell him how his depression can be detrimental to his mental health, his career, his life and his relationships. You can't wait around forever, but what you can do is try to live your life well and if things turn around, great - if not, you've still got your life. 3) Do depressed people go through the same stages of dumpers remorse as others? Know that it is not you. Hey Lily, Alex, Jeanne I just want him to be happy and I wish I could help him. Because they ran out of energy, they just take the blame and make it seem like their partners have nothing to do with their loss of feelings even though they know thats not the case. Along with that, the article explained how a person can cope with a breakup. We really loved each other from the bottom of our heart, and it would only become and grow more and more as days passed. She said she doesnt love me the same way as before, that she doesnt feel happy anymore. We had planned our future together, about getting an apartment and maybe having kids. And just to be able to know Im still the person he wants to be with. There's a book about male depression that's quite good - "I Don't Want to Talk About It" by Terence Real. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_12',117,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); And although sometimes they might not feel like their best self, a little support can go a long way, but again, keep in mind that not feeling good is something everyone experiences from time to time. Trust issues may include factors such as jealousy, possessiveness, unreasonable rigidity, emotional infidelity, physical/sexual infidelity, relational game playing, lack of reliability and dependability, lack of emotional support, lack of financial compatibility, and lack of mutually-supportive goals. My boyfriend of nearly 5 months just broke up with me, saying he was too messed up to be in a relationship. There is a lot on Quora about why does my DP push me away? too. I have no desires to truly speak of, as nothing I do is rewarding or satisfying. This is exactly how anhedonia feels. For that, the article explained what depression is, and in what ways depression impacts a persons romantic relationship. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-netboard-1','ezslot_18',118,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-netboard-1-0'); Through that, you both will learn the best ways to help and communicate with each other. So lets discuss what are ways to cope with a breakup. My boyfriend has a terrible relationship with his dad.